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Saturday, 10 January 2009

Amazon Reviews.

I don't, as a rule, check out Amazon reviews. I just cannot be bothered with the bad spelling and txt spk mte, and besides, have a full enough schedule writing anyway. However, I was drunk, waiting for my wife, and listening to some old toons (The Cure, their entire collection, to be exact), so browsed along for a bit of a peekaboo.

Anyway, this cheered me up no end. Got a couple of new reviews for War Machine that really made me LOL (if you'll excuse the illiterate text shite):

5 STARS.
Pure Action, November 1, 2008
By
J. saldana "TennHorn" (Nashville, TN) - See all my reviews

Characters well developed and likable. The technology is interesting and the fast paced action will keep you reading late into the night. It is dark novel filled with death and sexual images so not for the kiddos. Science fantasy minded folk will enjoy, reminds me a little of Dan Abnett's work.

Cheers J. Saldana "TenHorn" from Nashville :-) Nice one.

Then I got this (well, it was posted earlier, but just read it... ho ho), and it reaffirmed my faith in humanity and a balanced viewpoint in order to stop writers' heads and overused pulp egos from promoting a DIY frontal-lobotomy.....

1 STAR.
Horrible, poorly created characters., October 8, 2008
By
Chuckpa "Sci-reader"
War Machine is not just miliporn, it is poorly written miliporn. The character's are on dimensional and the plot is non existant beyond go there, get that. The premise is of a super elite squad of normal humans who will "do what it takes to win". The author's attempt at character is the protagnoist leader who is grieving over the loss of his wife and children, and his determination to "get their killer". Now any reader with half a brain will figure out the killer 80 pages in, just like any reader who has had any real relationships and actually has kids will not believe the ending. That aspect of the book alone makes this reviewer believe that it was actually written by a 13year old boy, who needs to have his closet checked and his babes w/ guns mags taken away. Or better yet, maybe his he-men with big guns mags. No matter what this work is the fevered dream of someone who has real weapons-phallic power issues. The work, and I can't be gentle about this, stinks. It is written for people who dream of being profiled in Soldier of Fortune and don't understand why women don't date them. This is a chickenhawk's form of miliporn, totally unrealistic and aburd. David Drake is a literary giant next to Remic and that is a crying shame.

Ha ha. Apparently I'm an "on dimensional" 13 year old, who's never had a woman and loves Soldier of Fortune magazine. Um. OK, Chuckpea, ho ho. You obviously got deep in my head there, sweetie. You are beautiful, insightful, and deserve a big sloppy tongue kiss for your psychological observations and inherent understanding of a writer's psyche. SLURP. There you go. Did you enjoy that?

And yeah, Chuckpoo, I agree, mate. I'm totally, utterly aburd.


Don't those AMAZON dudes just make you chortle!! What a bunch of geezers :-)

5 comments:

Aaron Spuler said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aaron Spuler said...

I accidentally deleted my original post, so here goes round two.

I tried to post on Amazon, but for some reason Amazon won't post my review.... Anyway, this is what I put about Biohell on www.bn.com a while back:

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Posted November 24, 2008, 9:02 AM EST: Holy crap!

I just finished Biohell and this book KICKED ASS!!! Andy Remic did a great job with it. I really loved how Franco was more of the main character this time. He is one crazy s.o.b., some of the stuff he did in Biohell was completely wild and over the top -- I loved every minute of it! Wonder what that says about me??? Out of all the books I've ever read (and that is A LOT), Franco Haggis has to be in the top three for my 'favorite characters' list. Was interesting to see the Combat-K universe from his perspective this time around.

I'd been waiting for Biohell to come out for a little over a year now.... wanted to read it as soon as I finished War Machine last year (bought that one on its release date and read it as soon as I could). The Combat-K universe is my first introduction to the writing of Andy Remic, and because of these two books, I plan on picking up his earlier works (Spiral, Quake, Warhead).

If you like combat, action, humor, and aren't afraid of a little profanity and gore (ok, maybe a lot of profanity and gore), then I wholeheartedly recommend this book to you. You don't necessarily NEED to read War Machine -- Biohell can stand alone on its own, but I highly recommend it. All I have to say is keep up the great work, Andy. I was thoroughly impressed with Biohell and I hope that you can get out Hardcore (part 3) by this time next year (or earlier?). I will be waiting in line to buy it.

Anyway, just wanted to express my thanks for Combat-K -- may there be many more books in that series!

Andy Rem said...

That's very kind of you, mate. :-)

Franco's love child said...

Lool (o sht, tx spk,ummm...)

Very funny read, not been on for a while.

At least'fuckpoo' bought a copy! :)

When I have the funds (apparently in 3-4 years when this recession ends) i too will buy Biohell and no doubt post a stonking review. Been looking forward for ages but with another baby on the way this could be some time!

Yeah, yeah! Excuses, excuses! will get it soon!

Andy Rem said...

Another kid, hey? Congratulations!! They're brill hey? I have 2 boys, and would never be without them, not for all the good reviews in the world!!

Anyway, it's not even out yet. 2nd Feb is your date :-)